Something happened yesterday that really offended me. Naturally, one of my friends was giving me a hard time about being a ginger which was nothing out of the ordinary until another one of my friends, Matt, chimed in saying, “you’re not even really a ginger…you’re more of a daywalker.” Woah woah woah hold up, what?! I don’t know if you guys all know what daywalkers are but that is pretty much like a salesperson referring to the CEO of a their company as their “co-worker”. It’s like having this image in your mind for all of your life that you’re this ordinary creature that everybody secretly envies and then one day somebody tells you that this picture is wrong and you’re really just a normal, average person that nobody cares about.
Just the thought of somebody undermining me like that makes me cringe. A daywalker is a person with red hair who does not have any freckles and is not pale. So excuse me, Matthew, but you are wrong. Freckles….check. Pale ass skin….check. Fiercely red hair with a tint of auburn…yup pretty sure I take home the championship belt for being a stage 5 ginger, Mr. Knowitall.
I think Matt’s reasoning for trying to undermine my gingerness was because he is jealous. He is jealous that it’s not normal for him to be pale and have freckles cover his body – he’s envious of this because he has to hide his paleness by tanning everyday whereas for gingers, it’s normal to be pasty. He can’t make pale look good like we can, he can’t freckle like we can, and he sure as hell can’t ginger on like we can. Sounds like a case of ginger-jealousy and my dear friend Matt is riding shotgun on that bus.
Daywalkers are fake gingers, and I’m no fake ginger.