It's a Ginge Thing

Excuse me?

Something happened yesterday that really offended me. Naturally, one of my friends was giving me a hard time about being a ginger which was nothing out of the ordinary until another one of my friends, Matt, chimed in saying, “you’re not even really a ginger…you’re more of a daywalker.” Woah woah woah hold up, what?! I don’t know if you guys all know what daywalkers are but that is pretty much like a salesperson referring to the CEO of a their company as their “co-worker”. It’s like having this image in your mind for all of your life that you’re this ordinary creature that everybody secretly envies and then one day somebody tells you that this picture is wrong and you’re really just a normal, average person that nobody cares about.

Just the thought of somebody undermining me like that makes me cringe. A daywalker is a person with red hair who does not have any freckles and is not pale. So excuse me, Matthew, but you are wrong. Freckles….check. Pale ass skin….check. Fiercely red hair with a tint of auburn…yup pretty sure I take home the championship belt for being a stage 5 ginger, Mr. Knowitall.

I think Matt’s reasoning for trying to undermine my gingerness was because he is jealous. He is jealous that it’s not normal for him to be pale and have freckles cover his body – he’s envious of this because he has to hide his paleness by tanning everyday whereas for gingers, it’s normal to be pasty. He can’t make pale look good like we can, he can’t freckle like we can, and he sure as hell can’t ginger on like we can. Sounds like a case of ginger-jealousy and my dear friend Matt is riding shotgun on that bus.

Daywalkers are fake gingers, and I’m no fake ginger.

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Obsessed?

Two words, TEAM COCO.

If someone told me I had to choose one man that I love more than anyone in the world, that man would be Conan O’Brien…sorry, dad. He is a hysterical ginger god that I just can’t seem to get enough of. I was pretty crushed when his talk show got cancelled and replaced a few years back, but since TBS has picked him up he has honestly made the greatest comeback in the late night industry. People who don’t watch his show or don’t find him funny – ginger racists, people who have no sense of humor etc. – should seriously rethink their existence. CONAN IS HILARIOUS. No questions asked. To top it all of his flawless flaming orange hair makes him ten times better. Seriously though his flow is impeccably kept…watch this clip and try to disagree.

He is so funny it hurts…literally. I watch him every night at 11 like clockwork and I am pretty sure he’s the reason why I’m in such good shape because I haven’t been to the gym in months. Just laughing my ass off for an hour straight has got to do a work on your body, right? I love this man and if there are gingers reading this post right now, it is a sin for you not to love him also…I’m pretty positive God created him to lead the ginger race.

If you have mixed feelings about Conan, or can’t get enough of him, watch this video and I guarantee it will have you laughing for days.

PCB

Well, it’s safe to say it’s been awhile and I do apologize for that. As some of you may know, I traveled to Panama City Beach Florida over my spring break and have been attempting to recover ever since. It was a wild ride to say the least.

Besides the bus being an hour and a half late to pick us up, waiting an hour and a half at a gas station in New Jersey because the bus driver forgot the papers, having a two-hour delay in Virginia when some kid on our bus was tripping on acid and ran away so the state police had to find him, a 4.5 hour delay when we got a flat tire in south carolina, a 3 hour delay when the new tire shred, and a 6 hour wait when our bus finally shit the bed an hour away from our resort….the trip was amazing! It truly was a bus ride from HELL…also a close comparison in temperature considering the bus didn’t have air conditioning and it was hot and humid…..how do you expect a ginger who already has a natural body temperature higher than most to survive in extremely high temperatures? It wasn’t a joyful experience.

Aside from the 48 hour-long bus ride that was supposed to take 24 hours, the trip was AWESOME. I had the time of my life and got to share it with some of the best people I know and love. Our days consisted of lounging on the beach, playing volleyball and doing fun activities like parasailing and banana boating, and our evenings consisted of going out to the bars and clubs that were located on the strip. The best part of my trip was the fact that there were SO.MANY.GINGERS. Hundreds of us. Literally everywhere I turned I wondered if I had died and gone to red-head heaven which, by the way, doesn’t actually exist because everyone knows none of us have souls.

I naturally approached nearly every ginger I saw and offered them sunscreen because I knew how critical it was..in fact my parents both texted me multiple times a day making sure I had applied the proper amount. Me and whichever fellow ginger I would talk to would share our thoughts on how awesome we were and then take a picture for this lovely blog of mine to share with all of you! I have attached only some of the photos in a slide show because not nearly all of them would fit so I hope you enjoy!

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Vacation

HELLO my little ginger dumplings! It’s just after midnight right about now and I’m sitting here blogging! Some of you may ask why and I’m just going to have to let you in on that little secret. Today I leave for a 24 hour drive down to Panama City Beach and I am attempting to stay up as late as possible so I can sleep like the little ginger angel I am the whole way down! Brilliant, I know….

I also wanted to let all of you guys know that I will not be blogging for the week due to my weeks long vacation with good friends, good drinks, and some sure to be pretty brutal sunburns – don’t worry, I packed 50-100 SPFs. Here are some things that I’m looking forward to doing while down in the sunny state of Flo-Ridaaaa

1. Attempting to stay sunburn free

2. Challenging other gingers I meet along my travels to connect the freckles

3. Lagging my oversized umbrella back and forth to the beach everyday…..

4. Applying tons of bronzer to my entire body before I go out so I’ll look half as tan as my friends..

5. Parasailing! (this is when i’ll apply the 100+ sunscreen because i’ll be closer to the sun)

and most importantly,

6. ST. PATRICK’S DAY!!!!!!….this doesn’t really need much of an explanation.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week and PLEASE pray for me to come back tanner than ever.

What NOT to wear

Hello my little ginger snaps! As some of you may know if you’ve been reading my blog, I’m going down to Florida in a few day’s for spring break. I have been acting like a kid on Christmas eve for the past week just awaiting that beautiful coach bus to come pick me up with 40 other students who will all most likely be completely smashed within the first hour of our 24 hour trip…anyway.

As I’ve been shopping around spending money I don’t have to buy things for my trip, I’ve definitely been having difficulties finding things to wear because this time of year there are so many bright and vibrant colors in nearly every store. Being a ginger, I know these colors don’t look good on me especially since I’m ridiculously pale at the moment…well actually, I’m always pale. Although I did bring dozens of reds, oranges, and pink shirts into the dressing rooms in hopes maybe the rule had changed, I slowly kept getting uglier and uglier after each outfit I tried on. So, because of the troubles I’ve been having, I figured I could save you guys a few and leave you with some expert makeup and fashion advice!

I really like what these websites have to offer when it comes to tips for gingers because it’s true to who we are and typically rules I abide by. I think they both give great advice for letting out our true beauty rather than hiding our gingerness. Well, embrace it now redheads of the world because we’re a rare breed and if we change, who are people supposed to make fun of?  ;)

Also, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there are days when most of us ginger-folk go walking out the door thinking we look like this :

Image

When in reality we really look like this: Image

I highly suggest you follow these tips to avoid this at all costs. Happy hump-day, beauties!

Wannabe

Over the past couple of years celebrities have been dyeing their hair to what I believe to be the most gorgeous color out there – RED. As I’m sure you didn’t see that coming, I do have to say this is a very flattering gesture being a redhead myself. So to all of you people out there who are constantly poking fun at redheads and making fun of how we are going extinct I am literally laughing in your face right now. I’m assuming these celebrities have the best and most well-informed stylists who have told them it’s a trend to have red hair and honestly, it is about time somebody has figured it out because I have been saying it all along. I know you’re all probably thinking this is ridiculous blah blah blah, but just you wait …I know how trends work and I know that pretty soon all you celebri-wannabes are going to drive to your local pharmacy and pick up some cheap hair die in a box. Who is laughing now ginger haters?

Some of these celebrities that are still going strong with this trend include musical artists Rihanna, Hayley Williams, and even Team Meatball (Snooki and Deena from the Jersey Shore). Now I’m not one to brag (yes I am) but I’m pretty sure all of these people are rolling in dough and they all have red hair and nobody is complaining or making fun of them in fact, fashion experts wish more celebrities would go red!

I think this is saying something about the world; the only way for a ginger to be accepted is to get famous. Seeing as I already feel as if I don’t belong in a small town because all I am to everyone is a big ginger joke, I think it’s time to move to Hollywood where redheads are accepted – and practically worshiped to say the least.

Rolling in the big ole pile of Grammy’s I just won…

I know it’s a little late and I’m sure everyone already knows that my girl Adele took home SIX Grammy awards last week, but I honestly cannot not blog about it. I know some of you may be saying that she “isn’t even a ginger anymore” but in all seriousness, everybody knows she is a ginger at heart. Although I’m obviously a little bitter about her hair change to the dumb side, everyone  experiments once in a while and I don’t hate her for it!

Adele is one of the greatest powerhouse singers out there today and she just makes it look way to easy to be heartbroken all of the time. Just snagging Grammy awards left and right like it ain’t to thing – you can sure bet that all of the people she was up against were pretty mad since she’s only been in the game for a few years. Then again, I literally don’t think there is a person out that doesn’t love her – yes guys, this includes you too…you know you stay in every other Friday night and belt out “Someone Like You” while eating a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, trying to hold back your tears.

She was nominated for Pop Vocal Album, Best Pop Solo Vocal Performance, Short Form Music Video, Record Of The Year, and Song Of The Year, and inevitably wound up winning them all. If I could, I would give her the award for Ginger of The Year (alongside me of course) because of how amazing she is.  Also, to rub it in everyone’s faces even more, she performed that night after she had undergone throat surgery just a few months before and absolutely killed it – click here to watch her performance. Keep on keepin’ on girl!

Red Hair Don’t Care

I guess you could say I have a problem. As most of you know, or have heard, the season of Lent is among us and it’s safe to say that Christians from all over are treating this sacrificial time period as a second go after they have failed to comply with their new year’s resolutions – but hey, maybe that’s just what I do…along with just about everyone I know including my Jewish friends. So as me and my roommates were brainstorming what we were giving up for this 40 day long period, things such as fast food, candy, chocolate, and ice cream were all thrown around, until everyone suggested I give up being a redhead.

Ummm what? Listen, I’m all for the redhead jokes but at least make sense when you try to make one. I can’t just give up having red hair in fact isn’t that is a smack in God’s face telling him he created something with a stigma? I think the only thing that bothers me more than people who make jokes about my hair is people who don’t know how to be funny when they do it. Maybe if you said something like “give up your soul…oh wait you don’t have one!”, or “you should give up the dream of ever having friends because you are ridiculously gross looking you ginger freak”…I mean obviously those aren’t the best examples but come on, literally anything would be better than saying to “give up being a redhead”.

I guess it all comes down to the fact that I embrace my ginger-freakishness so it doesn’t bother me when people poke fun at me (to certain extents), it bothers me when people are idiots. I guess I could give up my red hair by shaving it off or dying it but hey, who knew?! It would grow right back out just as amazing and fiery-auburn as it has always been! Note to outsiders; if you’re going to insult a ginger who, may I remind you has been getting insulted since birth, you’re going to have to step up your game.

Happy friday my ginger lovers – and as corny as this is, these kids know what’s up.

Pale.

Being a ginger definitely has its ups and downs. I’ve been on this planet for almost 21 years now and I am finally coming to terms with the fact that there are a few things about myself that I simply cannot change – That I have red hair, my freckles take up about 90 percent of my body, and that my complexion is about as white as a freshly painted mime. I love my red hair and I would never change that because honestly, who wants to be a “dumb blonde” or walk around knowing that your hair color is the same as human feces – not I. I can also live with my freckles because they make me look like I’m more tan than I actually am, but being a gross pasty white snow demon all year long really does not fly with me.That is what I hate most about being a ginger – I am constantly PALE and there is  nothing I can do about it…well, almost nothing.

So my roommates and I are heading down to Panama City Beach in a few weeks for spring break and all of them have been tanning at a salon in order to get a base color but this is just simply out of the question for me. Look, I would love to be able to go in a tanning bed for longer than two minutes without coming out looking like a freshly steamed lobster, but I can’t – honestly, I would love to be able to drive from one side of town to the other without getting a sunburn but it is just not something a ginger can do – it’s not ginger nature. So while they are getting nice and bronze I’m getting pastier by the minute and I need to take action fast!

Last year I was forced into getting a spray tan before spring break which left me looking more orange than the cast of the Jersey Shore combined – honestly why would I ever think that would be a good idea? But this year since I’d rather not get third degree burns in a tanning bed, and have already attempted the spray tan, I’ve decided to go with something a little more ginger-friendly; self tanner. Although I was very skeptical at first, after reading dozens of reviews of fair skinned customers, all with positive feedback on the product, I felt It was safe enough to try. I got one from Victoria’s Secret for 12 dollars called Sunkissed Bronze Instant Self Tanner and I’ve used it for about three days and don’t resemble a carrot (yet) so things are looking good! Talk about safe, right? Gingers are so much more prone to getting skin cancer and I’m getting tan-ish without even going in the sun OR paying a ridiculous amount of money to damage my skin. Double win.

Honestly, I hate being pale, so until the day that scientists tell me that the 100 SPF sunblock I use will actually help me get a tan – bronze on ginger friends, bronze on.

Shaun White Earns Perfect Score

If Shaun White earning a perfect score at the 2012 Winter X Games doesn’t justify how amazing gingers are then I don’t know what does. Not only did he go into this competition being a minority, but he went in injured with a left ankle sprain. Honestly, who does that?! I’ll tell you, Shaun White. This ginger-headed god scored the first perfect score in Winter X Games history for the Men’s Snowboard SuperPipe; I’m pretty sure that alone is enough to show how incredible gingers are.

How long do you think his competitors have been genuinely pissed off for because some pale guy with bright orange hair has been kicking their ass at everything they probably spend a year practicing that he takes ten minutes perfecting? Pretending to be happy for him every time he buries them in competitions and secretly dying on the inside. I think it’s time for people to start bowing down to this guy and gingers all over the world because we’re clearly taking over. Thoughts?

I mean just look at him; red-head flow for days.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y43FolFlY78

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